Communication Is Key
Welcome to this installment of the Robert Paul, San Francisco blog post; last month was a month which my family and I have come to celebrate for some significant reasons. My lovely wife was born on May 12th, and our beautiful daughter was born on May 19th. May is also a month that we celebrate Mothers day, in addition to Memorial Day, and of course, we can’t forget Cinco de Mayo. Needless to say, there is a lot to celebrate in our home, especially if you like margaritas, beer, and good down-home barbeque.
Fun Bit Of Trivia:
In Roman tradition, May, or Maia, is known as the earth goddess of springtime. In Greek tradition, Maia (May), meaning “great or mother,” is commonly used as a girl’s name but is also said to be one reason we celebrate Mother’s day in May. Through research, I have learned that in 1914, President Woodrow Wilson signed a bill designating the second Sunday in May as a legal holiday, “Mothers Day,” dedicated to all Mothers who deserve recognition for the critically important role they play in our lives. I believe President Wilson was most likely influenced by the efforts of Ann Reeves Jarvis (aka Mother Jarvis), who in the mid-1800s was the first person to recognize Mothers by setting up “Mothers Day Work Clubs” in the Appalachians to improve the quality of life issues for all Mothers who were forced to live under impoverished conditions. So, if you ever make it to Jeopardy and hit the Daily Double, with the question being, “who is Mother Jarvis” you’ll now have the answer.
We want to welcome you on behalf of Stephani, our C.E.O., and our entire Janene’s Bridal and Robert Paul, San Francisco family. Historically, May marks the beginning of “Wedding Season” as we get very busy with all of our beautiful brides and beyond gorgeous wedding dresses at Janene’s Bridal, both in Alameda and San Francisco; we are equally as busy at Robert Paul, San Francisco with all of our Grooms who want to take their wedding day sophistication to the next level with either a fashion-forward tuxedo or beautifully tailored wedding suit. Either way, all of our dedicated stylists at Janene’s Bridal and Robert Paul, San Francisco, got you covered. It’s our favorite time of year as we help prepare all of our stunning couples for the most important day of your lives, on your wedding day, where you will take the next step in your journey of love as a married couple. Stephani has decided for every bride who purchases a wedding dress from Janene’s Bridal; the groom will get 10% off of his rental or purchase of a tuxedo or wedding suit from Robert Paul, San Francisco.
I always like to dedicate each blog post I write to something or someone I am inspired by, and today is no different. So let me share something with each of you that I feel very blessed to experience.
I have the fortunate opportunity to witness “first hand” the raw emotion many of our beautiful brides experience when they stand in front of our flower wall realizing for the first time they have finally found their wedding day dream dress, or when at Robert Paul, San Francisco, when I get to witness the excitement in the eyes of our handsome grooms who find that perfect fit, that perfect look and feel instantly elevated.
It’s an absolute honor to share in these special moments with each of our couples, not just for me but also for our stylists at Janene’s Bridal and Robert Paul, San Francisco, who work tirelessly to make each of your dreams come true. Each of you genuinely inspires me that I have had the pleasure of meeting, and as brief, as it may have been, it’s had a lasting effect upon me and is something I place a great deal of value upon. So with that being said, I would like to dedicate this blog post to each of you, either as you prepare to exchange your sacred vows in anticipation of your wedding day or if you already have and are settling into married life. The great part about your journey of love is that you’ve chosen to commit yourself to one another for the rest of your lives in love, compassion, respect, and adoration, which is the foundation of your relationship.
Aside from the many hats I have the honor of wearing at Janene’s Bridal, Alameda and San Francisco, or Robert Paul. San Francisco, I am also a ‘Wedding Officiate” who has spent a great deal of time with several couples preparing to take the next and arguably most important step of their lives, exchanging vows and saying the two most important words they will ever say, “I DO.”
As a Wedding Officiate, it’s critically important for me to sit down with each couple and get to know them. I love hearing about their journey, how they met each other, what drew them together, what they like or dislike, and shared hobbies, interests, or common beliefs. It’s truly amazing how similar some couples are but how entirely different they can be simultaneously. That is what makes love so special because it’s the one emotion as humans we experience that allows us to adapt and adjust to someone else that may be different but drives us to find common ground with. The key to finding common ground with our significant other throughout our relationship, our marriage, is to figure out how to sustain the desire to continuously “adapt and adjust” so that we can assure ourselves of a lasting, fruitful, loving, and respectful relationship throughout our lives. I have come to believe through my own experiences and that of others that if we as couples can master the basic principles of communication and genuinely apply these principles to our marriage, we can alleviate a tremendous amount of confusion, stress, and tension generally associated with marriage just by understanding how to communicate with the other effectively.
What Is Communication:
As many as 100 different definitions of communication exist. In its most basic form, communication is a process, rather than an event, that involves at least two people who engage in the process of exchanging information. Communication consists of the method of “transmitting,” “receiving,” and “sharing ideas, facts, attitudes, values, and opinions.” It sounds a lot like what a married couple would typically do when discussing important topics of the day.
Reading the above paragraph reinforces my belief that being able to master the art of communication as a married couple is paramount to sustaining a long and happy marriage. As it states, in its basic form, communication is a process rather than an event. It’s when we fail as a couple to effectively communicate when it becomes an event, a disagreement, or an argument where we tend to forget what it was like to adapt and adjust in the early stages of our relationships. When we fail to communicate effectively, when we fail to effectively adapt and change, the end result for most couples can be catastrophic. That is certainly something we should always strive to avoid.
As a Wedding Officiate, I strongly encourage each couple I have the honor of working with to participate in “premarital counseling” regardless of how well each of them may think they know the other. Premarital counseling helps couples build stronger and better lines of communication by ensuring each of you is on the same page concerning values, goals, and expectations and creating a roadmap for your lives together. It’s time that you’re investing in one another that will surely pay dividends for years to come. In fact, once married, you should never stop investing in one another or your marriage and continue subjecting yourselves to marriage retreats whenever possible. My wife and I have not only attended premarital counseling. Still, we continue to attend marriage retreats whenever possible because of how much it has helped both of us understand the other.
By no means is this an endorsement, but I have found www.familylife.com as a compelling resource for couples who are just starting out, or for couples who want to continue investing in their marriage, and especially for couples who may have lost one another along the way and want to get back to where they once were. Again, wait, maybe this is an endorsement, but either way, my wife and I have benefitted from this resource and remain grateful for the constant investment we make into our marriage.
As a married couple, you’ve transitioned from one stage of your lives to another. You are now moving in the same direction and hopefully pursuing the same goals, whatever they may be. Perhaps it’s navigating finances, setting the monthly household budget, adjusting to irregular work schedules, living together for the first time, deciding who will walk the dog, clean up the poop, and the list goes on and on. Still, the good news is that you will work it all out. The solution to all of the above issues, obstacles, and adjustments is called perfecting the art of “Interpersonal Communication.”
Interpersonal communication, at least in this context, is when two people who are committed to one another engage in conversation and exchange information about genuine emotions, feelings of love, beliefs, dreams, desires, expressions of appreciation, affirmations, or decisions and choices of the day which must be made. Again, what two people who are committed to one another often do. Although we generally never put labels on how we communicate, one thing remains clear, when discussing issues related to love, feelings, beliefs, or opinions, we should never dismiss these types of conversations as trivial or unimportant.
Relationships, in general, are highly emotional and rely upon interpersonal verbal and non-verbal exchanges between two people. Understanding how to appropriately receive or respond to “non-verbal or verbal cues” is critical to ensuring successful outcomes. The key is to ensure you’re paying attention to what’s being said and not read into what you may think the underlying message is. Your instincts are probably right in that there may always be an underlying message to what is actually being said because some people are not direct communicators and tend to communicate in a “round-about way,” which is perfectly acceptable, your job, albeit a bit more challenging is to recognize that and continue working toward the root of the issue with empathy and compassion. Remember, the person you’re having these interpersonal conversations with is the same person you’ve dedicated your life to and the person who you’ve come to love more than anything else in the world. It’s the same person who you believe in, root for, and trust with all that you are.
Effective Communication Techniques for Couples, In or Out of Conflict:
- Pay attention to the Non-Verbal cues your partner is giving you. Initially, these cues can provide you with powerful indicators as to the frame of mind your partner may be in.
- Body Language
- Body language is a form of non-verbal communication. Reading and understanding body language is a vital part of communication. Understanding your partner’s cues comes with time and attention.
- Listen to What’s Being Said
- I’ve always been a firm believer that in order to become an effective communicator, you first have to become an effective listener, especially when discussing an emotional issue or hot-topic item.
It’s almost like watching a movie more than once. The second or third time watching the same film, you see or hear things you missed the first time, and suddenly, what you didn’t understand the first time is now crystal clear, having heard or seen it again. If we could only playback what we think we might have heard the first time, which in some cases was not what was actually said, that could save us a great deal of confusion and misunderstanding.
One of the most compelling aspects of becoming an effective listener is never to talk over the other. Never speak at the same time as your partner. It simply comes down to a willingness to yield or compromise the floor, not allowing yourself to be consumed with the “need to win.” As hard as it is sometimes to yield, especially when you know or think you are “right,” taking this approach could deliver positive outcomes.
- Think Before You Speak, Or You Will Regret It
- I have often heard that words can be sharper than a surgeon’s scalpel and cut deeper than a Samurai sword. Fight Fair, No hitting below the belt. No top rope comments. Once something you’ve said is released into the universe, it can’t be unsaid. Never use words as a weapon.
Words should only be used as a form of affirmation. Affirmation should be part of your love language, which we will discuss in future blogs. Stay tuned. As an effective communicator, we have to take ownership of our words.
- Genuinely Care About What Is Being Said
- Always try to be present in every conversation, especially if it’s something you don’t feel vested entirely in. If it’s your significant other trying to talk with you about something they care about, so should you. One cue, the “Golden Rule,” is to put the shoe on the other foot. If you were talking to your partner about something significant, you would want them to be completely present and engaged. Participate with sincerity and honesty.
- Stick To The Facts And Just the facts.
- This can be one of the most challenging things to do when engaged in an emotional conversation. To keep the real issue as the main point of discussion, commit early in your relationship to never add fuel to the fire by talking about issues that have nothing to do with the issue at hand.
I often talk about this to each of the couples I meet with. I encourage every couple to agree early in their relationship to set the ground rules when engaged in deep-seated conversations or disagreements. It’s about holding one another accountable for the agreement both of you made to the other. It’s like learning how to dance on a level surface; it’s much easier than trying to learn how to dance on the side of a building. You’re not communicating on a level surface if you’re engaged in conversation and not on equal footing.
As you begin your lives together, regardless of how long you’ve been in a relationship, you will learn something new about each other every day. That is what makes relationships and marriage such a beautiful union between two people because you are one another’s best friend, always learning something new about the other.
I am absolutely sure that each of you realizes the importance of communication because of all that both of you have put into your perfectly planned wedding day. All the communication that went into every decision leading up to your wedding day was well worth the effort. All the compassion and understanding each of you has shown the other is what has gotten you to your all-important moment, and developing a long-lasting marriage built upon the same principles of compassion, understanding, and respectful love is what each of you has to look forward to.
All of us at Janene’s Bridal, Alameda and San Francisco, Robert Paul, San Francisco, want to congratulate you on taking the next and most important step in your journey of love. Take this step with the greatest of confidence and trust in one another by always talking to one another as you did on your first date.
We genuinely hope the information in this blog has been helpful and given you insight into an otherwise often overlooked aspect of a meaningful relationship. Effective communication.
We would encourage you to leave a comment down below and perhaps share some of your communication experiences using our platform to hopefully inspire others toward better and more meaningful outcomes for others who need to be encouraged,
It’s estimated that over 2.6 million people will be getting married over the next year, and the great news is that you are most likely preparing for your big day.
All of us at Janene’s Bridal, Alameda and San Francisco, & Robert Paul, San Francisco, hope we’ve been able to assist you with your perfect dream day wedding dress or fitted with your perfectly fitted tuxedo or wedding suit. It has been our absolute honor that you’ve selected us to help you prepare for such an important day.
If any of our stylists that have had the pleasure of working with you left an impression on your Wedding Dress or Tuxedo needs, we would love and encourage you to Google us at Janene’s Bridal and Robert Paul San Francisco and leave us a Google review.
Let us celebrate love together, and as our C.E.O. Stephani always says:
Cheers To Love!